Safe Inside Yourself
by Side Step the Shadows
Summary: Harry has changed, he distances himself from his friends, afraid they will find out something about him, afraid they will get hurt just by being his friend. He catches the eye of a certain Slytherin. Warning: to be SLASH, self harm. Reviews welcome!


This is only my second story, so if its terrible I'm sorry. I found this one on my computer, dunno wether to carry it on or not... so please tell me if its any good or if its rubbish: p

Warning: This story will become a SLASH if I carry it on... you have been warned. It also includes depression and Self Harm, this is a sensitive subject and only read if won't trigger or if your squeamish. Other than that... enjoy!

_I don't need anything, or anyone._ Harry thought to himself as he swept past an astonished Hermione and a scarlet Ron up to his dorm. _They can't know, ever. I'm definitely better off without them._ He tried to convince himself of this fact that he had decided on during the summer, but couldn't quite control a small tear from escaping his stony mask. _They'll soon forget me, _the bitterness was there, even in his thoughts, _everyone should. _Climbing into his bed and yanking the curtains around him, he settled back against the headboard and let out a small sigh. It had been hard enough trying to ignore his friends for the two days they had been back, but now Harry knew they would hate him, he started to mentally prepare himself to how it would be.

_Why did I have to say those horrible things…You had to do it, they would hate you worse if you hadn't distanced yourself. _Unconsciously he searched under his pillow and pulled out a tiny piece of silver, a razor blade he had unceremoniously pulled from a razor during the summer. Harry glanced down at the tiny piece of metal, glinting as tears filled his eyes. He gently pulled up his left sleeve and fingered the delicate tracing of silver patchwork along his arm. _Each one holds a story,_ he thought, _no, each one tells a lie._ He lay the cool edge of the blade to his warm skin, thoughts flying through his mind filling it up with self hatred and loathing. His pent up emotion driving a shiver up his spine up to his heart then head in a sudden silent scream, pressing the blade into his arm and drawing it across sharply. He gave a sharp intake of breath as the blade caught and sliced his skin. His mind now blank he watched as the line started to well and then bead with the purest of red. He let out his breath in a small choke in his throat as one by one the beads began to fall and dance across his skin finally to fall slowly onto his bedspread. A small icy pain now reached him; he took a moment to let another bead fall, before grabbing a tissue also from under his pillow, already painted with a few spot of red, and pressing it to the cut, holding it in place with his other hand, he gave a small hiss as a throbbing started to swell from his arm. Closing his eyes, he let the giddiness and adrenaline of his action race through him before being left with the dark sickening of disappointment.

At the sound of the dorm room door being flung open he snapped open his eyes and quickly stuffed his blade and tissue under the pillow before yanking his sleeve down to his hand, just before his curtains were ripped open by a fuming Ron, his ears still tinged pink.

"What the hell!" He began; he started to make a grab for Harry, who skittered back to the other side of the bed. "Don't want to associate with foul blood and…and…and hand me down friends! Only hanging out with you to get to Hermione? Fuck you man, FUCK you! I actually liked you for you but apparently some ones taken a serious amount of arsehole potions over the summer. Just stay away from me Golden Boy, wouldn't like to ruin my reputation by hanging out with someone who's got their head that far up their arse." With that he practically threw the curtains back across Harry's bed and went to his own four-poster continuing with more graphic insults of Harry directed at him but spoken to the other roommates.

Harry panting slightly, crawled slowly under the covers without taking his clothes off, curled up facing the opposite direction to Ron, and let his insults wash over him in a self loathing blanket, unconsciously scratching at his new cut until sleep finally claimed him.

Ok, thats chapter one. What did you think of it? PLease let me know as I don't no wether to carry it on or not... Thanks for reading.


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